Monday, August 27, 2007

Mama

That word I have waited to hear all my life. When I was sixteen, we were asked by the school counselor what we wanted to do after graduation. I was 'supposed' to answer - go to college and get my degree in "X" and then start my career. My answer, "be a wife and mother". Really, I did. What is missing here is that I graduated high school in the early 80's (ouch, dated myself there) and back then women were supposed to be Wonder Woman. Not a career OR a family, both. And by God you better do an amazing job At Both. Period. I knew, even at that oh-so-tender age that that wasn't what I wanted.

Fast forward 25+ years, and I am still waiting. But, what really gets me is that (baring something really really going wrong) I will be a mama. This year. (BTW, that 'wife' part ... I am enjoying, very much.)

Funny enough, now that that is becoming a reality, my mind is starting to reach out to my next step. I do want to get my degree and stop playing around, taking classes here and there. My biggest problem is, I still don't know what I want to do when I grow up. But, I do want to go back to college and get that little piece of paper. It's one of my life-goals, and really, how can I teach my daughter that she needs to continue her education if I have not? I love school and learning, and if you had known me in high school that would blow your mind. I couldn't wait to get out, and get away. But I think that has more to do with the experience (horrible) than with the learning. Although, the learning (and more importantly, the teaching) could have been MUCH better.

So, once this little baby girl is (HAPPILY) in school full-time, I am going to look at programs that I might want to explore. I miss my art, so much. I wonder if I still have that artist lurking inside me, or if she's gone. But, I have so many other loves. The whole idea of working in a library, oh gosh. B.O.O.K.S! But these days, it's hard to tell what a librarian actually does. That is one conversation I would like to have with The Singer one day. She is a fellow book nerd, and I love her for it! Seems like a dream job to me but, the grass is aways greener. When I lived in DC I worked as a freelance research tech, I loved it. That was back in the days of being able (with a special permit) of wandering in the stacks at the Library of Congress. That was a job I dearly loved, and was sorry to see it go.

I do have a passion, it's needlepoint. Or, more specifically, counted cross-stitch. I would love to own my own shop, but they are closing left and right. Not enough business to stay ... in business, I guess. I could work at one, and that might do it for awhile. But I have always loved working for myself. I think I would enjoy the business end of it (having been in retail), and doing the books (yes, I love and adore bookkeeping, all those little numbers and VERY sharp pens and pencils - I have stashes of both all over the house, poor Jeff). But I don't really see that as happening. The capital alone to start up is staggering, and we are back to the fact that businesses just are not staying in biz.

So, I am still searching for the perfect mesh of what I love to do and what I can do. Something that I will be researching for the next couple of years.

4 comments:

TheSinger said...

Well, I sit in a climate controlled office building reading children's books all day. Does that sound like a dream job?

I'd be happy to talk to you about librarianship (or anything else, including cross stitch!) anytime you want. I have a feeling you're going to have your hands full for the forseeable future, though!

Kiy said...

Actually, it does! But yes, right now there is no tearing rush. I am going to enjoy every single minute of baby-hood!

Thanks for stopping by,

Kiy

Lythrum said...

It's kind of funny, I've never been maternal, and didn't even think I'd want kids until last fall. I know it's definately going to be a change, even just being pregnant has been. When I saw the first ultrasound and heard the heartbeat I felt so fiercely protective and just in awe of my child. It's definately going to be a roller coaster but I'm ready to start on it. :) I can't wait for you when you finally have your child in your arms, it's going to be amazing!

Oh, and being around books all day would be a dream job for me, and I've always loved libraries.

Kiy said...

When Jeff and I have a free afternoon, our favorite thing to do is to just wander the library or a used bookstore. Bliss. Totally. Sure hope we raise a reader, but then in this house, how could she not? :)